Today has been a no good, very bad, rotten day! Well, it actually started yesterday. I had nightmares. I’m not talking about my normal run of the mill “Cookie Monster is trying to eat my brain” nightmares. Oh no, these were the “Your family hates you, you have to save your nephews from aliens, you are being cut into small chunks by your loved ones, you can’t breathe!” nightmares. Then I made a big mistake and decided to try and watch “The Brave One” with Jodie Foster. Sad movie, I cried.But what really takes the cake is today at 9:50 my boss walks over to me and ask me if we can meet in the conference room on the other side. I panic at first thinking I’m going to be released but then I see him approach another employee and also ask him to join us in the meeting room so I relax thinking it’s probably a special project. I get to the meeting room and there are five other employees (not including myself). Our boss along with the CEO of the company enter the meeting room and inform us that the company isn’t profitable and that the ‘Investors’ demand the company become profitable. To make this happen they are doing a workforce reduction and we are all being let go effective immediately. The ‘silver-lining’ of this little rain cloud (as they put it) is that we are all eligible for Unemployment. Hooray!
So, while I try to keep from bawling (failing miserably I might add) I have to clean my desk out while my once co-workers look on with sympathy or offer to help and try to console. I’m sick to my stomach I’m so upset. Jake keeps telling me not to beat myself up but I can’t help but think if I was better, smarter, faster, anything OTHER than what I am this wouldn’t be happening to me.
I’m sick with worry about money, my future, and what I am going to do. I’m also terrified about what impact this is going to have on my depression. My depression is something I struggle with every day. I can’t help but think of a million reasons I should just give up.So! To cope with all of this emotion I am going to go scrub the tub, toilet, cat … anything I can get my hands on. Cleaning helps me feel a little less hopeless and right now I need any glimmer of hope I can scare up.
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5 comments:
awwwwwwwwwwww Megs. Come over. I could use some cleaning help and the boys would love to give you hugs.
I am kidding about helping clean, but it'd be a good excuse to get off the computer and clean.
What a discouraging day! Thanks for coming home, venting, and letting me offer you a few tissues. This morning I have been thinking of the first little Meggie came flying off Flurry's back. It must have been the hardest thing you've ever done to pull yourself up from the ground, clean the dirt out of your mouth, and climb back into the saddle.
But you succeeded, Megan, and look at all the glorious things that followed!
Think of Robin, Sally, Becky, your family, and Flurry waiting to hear you singing, "I'm back in the saddle again!" You can do it.
edit to my post: line 4 should read
"the first TIME little Meggie came flying off Flurry's back."
I am so sorry and, especially after MyFamily.com, I really REALLY know how you feel.
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